Ode to the Commode

January 18, 2011 § 2 Comments

An “Ode to the Commode” – K. M. (yours truly)

They wrote it all here, all over the wall… about times that they’ve had, or numbers to call.
They signed off their names in permanent marker, they drew little pictures, some lighter, some darker.
But what does it mean? Is there some kind of theme? What can we learn from the public bathroom scene?


Stall number one found a guy in bind who ___ urinal cakes – not quite in the right mind. In search of an answer he made quite a clamor but while he was at it he used incorrect grammar. Lucky for him the next person inside noticed his error, quite helpful a guide. The poor fellow’s question was less than superb – for what can you ask when you’re missing the verb? Did he eat it or throw it or use is as soap? Did he lick it or bite it or put in on rope? Oh what can you do with a urinal cake? Is it something you write on or something you bake? Please – oh please – man with the problem so dire… please finish your sentence so we can retire!



Only more helpful was stall number two – in which we can find a brief movie review.  In depth it is not, still it’s usefully short. “Okay” was the movie, he’d like to report. Woody was wooden and wearing a hat. Buzz was still buzzing all over his mat. The slinky was slinking, the toys were all cheering. Occasionally audience members were jeering. But what did you think of the Buzz Lightyear aisle? What of the yard sale and Jessie’s keen style? But alas you think not of these details to write – in the end it is short and it has quite a bite. This opinion is yours is surely emergent but do us a favor? Don’t review anything urgent.



Now here’s something useful in stall number three! It’s much cheaper than college – NEW – a T.P. Degree! It’s better than 1-ply – it’s three sheets combined! What better than an Arts Degree to wipe your behind? This guy is emphatic – and probably jobless – at least that’s what his learn-and-wipe reference suggests. What else can you do with the kind of degree? Can you go and save Willy – can you set the whale Free? Can you travel the rain forest and study the life? Can you solve the problems of a man and his wife? Can you learn to make jewelery or sculpt a great thinker? Can you fix leaky pipes or with tools-of-trade tinker? Oh what can you do with a new Arts Degree? Well at least it is there for you when you have to pee!

In stall number four we find useful advice. In a zombie-apocalypse: Run for your life. Crowbars are handy, bikes don’t need fuel. Nowhere is safe because zombies are cruel! You need three different plans to get out if they come! And no – you can’t bribe them with spearmint gum. Stay away from the cities – they’ll find you for sure! The country is fifteen percent more secure. So should zombies swarm in and you find yourself reeling – come back to this stall for a safer-plan feeling.

(Good thing we found this stall!)

In stall number five we weren’t sure what to do. What we found in this stall was a funny Haiku. This one made us wonder what else could we write? Could we write about zombies that are chasing our bikes? So let’s try it for size and see how it goes – what our Haiku means? I’m quite sure we don’t know.


Ninja Kittens on Parade.
Apocalyptic Roundhouse.
Urinal Cake – s.

(Yeah we thought refrigerator was a better ending too.)


Hey look – science homework in stall number six! Or maybe it’s math or high tech dog tricks? Whatever it is it makes us look smart – so we’ll write it on doors and pretend it is art! And the kids from our 101 class will write down all the lines on their homework – oh they’ll look like a clown – when they learn that our homework makes no sense at all. It’s just something important looking written on a stall.

(Yeah, in a bind we might have put this on our homework papers too. It just looks smart.)




And it’s meteorology in stall number seven – or a diagram here – or a picture of heaven? At first nimbostratus seemed like the right label. But stratocumulus cloud doesn’t sound like a fable! So how do we know which stall user to trust?

(We’ll cross it out STRATOCUMULUS,
and label it RAIN CLOUD.)

I say we trust US.



Stall number eight – the second to last – is a graphic, annoying, we just can’t quite grasp. It says that it’s loading – we’re awaiting descent. But it never quite reaches 100 percent. LOADING… PLEASE WAIT for a moment or two. Then let’s grab a sledge hammer and knock the wall through.
(P.S. My Blackberry looks like this all the time. It could be one of the most frustrating things on the entire planet.)
Lastly we find, in stall number nine, a neatly written sentence and a not-so-straight-line. It poses a thought – a reminder – a dare. You have to draw the line (sometime and) somewhere.
Once I got to thinking – this topic, these stalls –  were only about what was written on walls. We’ve spent long enough in the place where we poop. Let’s find a new topic – and tomorrow regroup.
Until next time.                 xo

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§ 2 Responses to Ode to the Commode

  • abf says:

    haha love it!

  • I’m impressed, I must say. Actually hardly ever do I encounter a weblog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you may have hit the nail on the head. Your thought is excellent; the issue is one thing that not enough persons are speaking intelligently about. I’m very joyful that I stumbled across this in my search for one thing relating to this.

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